Relationships & Women’s Perspective

I'm going to make an assumption here; that you want to have hard, long lasting erection not just for the sake, of being able to get it up. But because you want your penis to play a starring role in your relationship with someone else, and, for simplicity sake, let’s assume it’s a woman, but everything I’m going to say here can apply to a relationship with any sex or gender. 

It's sad to think about how many good relationships ended or how many potentially amazing relationships never got a chance to start because a man was struggling with getting erections, and he was too afraid to talk with his woman about what was going on.

Struggling with erections, even if only occasionally or in certain situations can be distressing, not just to you, but also to your partner, depending on how you handle it. If you are not sharing with her what is going on for you, she may blame herself.  In fact, the first thing a woman often thinks when a man can't get an erection, or starts avoiding sex, is that it's her fault, and usually that’s not the case!

She may worry that you’re having an affair. Or fear that you are no longer attracted to her, or that your are just bored with your sex life together.

This line of thinking affects a woman’s self-esteem and can negatively impact the relationship.

She may start questioning your love and desire for her. She may accuse you of having an affair.

This may even more cause even more distress and hurt on your end. You want to avoid taking this as an attack on yourself and then pull back and away from her. She will take this as a confirmation that she has done something wrong or that you are no longer sexually interested in her.

If you pull away, she will also pull away. The more each of you pulls back the worse it will get. This often ends in heartbreak.

So what can you do to avoid this situation? Well, therapists have identified 4 group approaches that most couples take when dealing with any sexual difficulties. 

The first and most dangerous group are The alienators: This is when one or both of you feel so angry with the situation that you withdraw from the relationship and may even demean your partner and one or both of you may eventually seek intimacy somewhere else.  

Then you have The avoiders: These couples refuse to admit there is a problem and simply never discuss it. This leads to all kinds of relationships issues including avoiding sex all together.

A third group are  The resigners: These are the couples that admit there is a problem but don’t take the steps necessary to resolve it.

And finally we have The Overcomers: These are the couples that realize there is a problem, are willing to be vulnerable with each other and really discuss what’s going on. They have a strong desire to overcome sexual issues together and usually end up with a more intimate and fulfilling sex life than those who never had to face this issues together. 

It’s my goal to make sure you and your partner are part of the Overcomers.

The first step is something most men are hesitant to do. You must talk about the problem and help her understand why it occurs. This will help alleviate her fears of it being her fault. Now look, the truth is, she may have a role to play in your struggle to get erections, particularily if there are relationship issues at heart of your problem.  But open communication is of the utmost importance in resolving any sexual issue in your relationships.

A sex life is something you share and grow from. And for it to have depth or go any distance,  it is necessary to experience both the pain and the pleasure that comes through being sexually vulnerable.

It will help defuse whatever anger and frustration there may be, so that it doesn't carry over into other aspects of your life together.

There are a lot of things your partner can do to support you as you go through this training and work towards harder and longer lasting erections. 

She can watch these videos with you or on her own time so that she is also getting educated on how erections work or don’t work. If she doesn’t have time to go through the course with you, you can schedule regular check-ins where you give her an overview of what you are learning. 

She can join you in some of the lifestyle biohacks I will be sharing with you throughout this course, most of which are beneficial for both men and women.  

I highly recommend  that while you’re going through the initial stages of this program that you take some of the sexual pressure off.  You may want to take a little sex break or at least take the emphasis off the penis and try something else for a little while. 

And most importantly, keep the intimacy strong. You can still share romantic gestures without sex, you know, like sweet kisses, holding hands on the couch, a gentle touch. Often when we are wanting to avoid sex for, whatever reason, we tend to avoid any behavior we think may lead to sex. But this is really a bad strategy. Better to just decide ahead of time when sex will be on the table, and the rest of the time enjoy playful touch and flirty banter with each other, without any expectations. Staying connected in this way will reinforce your bond when you feel that you may be drifting apart.

The bottom line, whatever it takes, don't shut down the lines of heartfelt communication. 

Try not to feel personally wounded when your erections don’t behave the way you want them to.

If you and your partner can get in touch with your love for each other and follow those instincts, you'll likely know the right things to do and say to keep intimacy alive while you work towards your goal of harder and longer lasting erections. And remember to keep sight of why you even care about getting erections. 

Sure, penetive sex feels amazing. And at the heart of it, we are all seeking is love and intimacy. Open and honest communication is an important part of beautiful loving relationships! 

Many Blessings!