When you first start dating someone, sex is often semi-planned even if it feels spontaneous in the moment. You intentionally set up opportunities to get intimate by going on dates at one another's places. But what happens when you’ve settled into domestic life together? Is penciling each other into your calendars the ultimate passion killer? We’re here to make the case for embracing scheduled sex!

Table of Contents

1. Takes the Pressure Off Spontaneity
2. Builds Anticipation and Excitement
3. Encourages Open Communication
4. Prioritizes Intimacy as a Habit
5. Addresses Issues Before Resentment Builds
6. Makes Space for Both Spontaneity AND Security

Takes the Pressure Off Spontaneity

In the early days of a relationship when new relationship energy is flying high, finding moments to tear each other’s clothes off seems effortless. You’re so pumped full of dopamine and oxytocin whenever you’re together that making moves feels natural. But trying to rely on being “in the mood” simultaneously during the day-to-day of busy real life is a recipe for sexual drought!

You Can Finally Relax!

Instead of the pressure mounting every night that you should both randomly want to do it, having designated times for intimacy ahead of time means you can actually relax into it when the moment arrives knowing you both want to connect.

Builds Anticipation and Excitement

Rather than just absentmindedly falling into each other’s arms last thing before bed because you’re there and it’s routine, planning specific sex dates makes them something to eagerly look forward to! Having those spicy encounters circled on the calendar gives you something tantalizing to think about as the hours count down.

Flesh Out the Filthy Details

Scheduling sex also opens up hot communication about how you want to set the scene when the awaited moment arrives! Discuss new things you’d like to try, ways you each want to pamper and seduce the other with massages, lingerie or sex toys to make it extra steamy!

Encourages Open Communication

Speaking of chatting about your bedroom antics, deciding on designated times to get busy keeps those important conversations around your sexual needs flowing! It’s easy for intimacy to slide down the priority list when you never actually talk about it. But when you’re making a point to plan sex dates, you naturally discuss what is and isn’t working.

Nip Bedroom Boredom in the Bud

This ensures you don’t lose your lusty momentum and drift apart because someone felt unfulfilled but it was never addressed. Bring up the fact that you need more foreplay before intercourse or would love more oral action rather than carrying silent resentment! Scheduling sex helps couples stay sexually in tune.

Prioritizes Intimacy as a Habit

Here’s the simple truth: we make time for what’s important to us. When you actively coordinate sexy sleepovers rather than just assuming you’ll fit it in, you demonstrate that intimacy matters in your relationship! By literally scheduling sex just as you would a doctor’s appointment or meeting friends for dinner, you reinforce it as a consistent habit.

Consistency Feeds Cravings

Like with exercise or flossing, the more consistent you are about doing it, the more you actually look forward to doing it! Setting up recurring reminders that it’s time for physical affection will have you eagerly anticipating each steamy rendezvous rather than having sex always be an afterthought.

Addresses Issues Before Resentment Builds

An amazing bonus of penciling in plenty of action between the sheets? When issues pop up that threaten to interfere with keeping those sensual dates, you’re motivated to communicate through any discomfort! If emotional distance or stress is causing you to not quite feel like connecting, it quickly becomes apparent.

Reconnect Through Erotic Embraces

Rather than avoid facing conflicts, let your shared commitment to maintaining an intimate connection guide you back into each other’s arms after working through tensions! Channel that urge for sexual healing and allow affection, laughter and passion to glue pieces back together.

Makes Space for Both Spontaneity AND Security

Now, scheduling every single intimate encounter might start feeling overly rigid (which could ironically snuff out spontaneity entirely). The magic combo? Balance pre-planned rendezvous with room left for impromptu quickies and steamy surprises! Enjoy the built up longing of looking forward to fulfilling your next “appointment” while also reveling in unexpected moments of falling into bed together.

When that spontaneous spark strikes while you have the house to yourself for an hour before the kids come home from school, let passion lead the way! Follow your urges in the heat of the moment knowing that you also have special sex days to maintain consistency. Structure and surprise Christmas tree your hot sex life with the bells and baubles of both reliability and unpredictability! 

Intimacy is way too vital for a couple's happiness to leave to chance in the chaos of everyday life. While getting busy on the fly certainly holds potent appeal, merging scheduled sex into the mix guards against allowing your physical connection to fall by the wayside.

Have you been craving more consistency when it comes to getting frisky between the sheets? Try taking turns setting up sex dates and see if planning ahead helps you consistently create space to come together. When you demonstrate that vetoing sex because of being tired or distracted isn’t okay, you build secure attachment and trust in the bedroom leading to deeper passion and satisfaction over time!

FAQ

Question 1: If you schedule sex doesn't that take away the authentic spontaneity?

Answer: Scheduling maintains anticipation since you know you have something steamy to look forward to rather than losing momentum, but still leaves room for those spontaneous quickies!

Question 2: What if we schedule intimacy but aren't able to follow through that particular time?

Answer: Be gentle with yourselves knowing life happens but reconnect ASAP, even if it's just a quick intimate kiss and hug reminding each other sex and touch are priorities.

Question 3: How often should we be scheduling couple's time if we have kids and busy lives?

Answer: Once a week is a great start, then build up as your schedule allows. Even one standing sex date per week can make a huge difference over not planning any!

Question 4: Doesn't planning sex make it feel more like a chore than acting in the heat of desire?

Answer: Discussing desires and logistics ahead while building up eager anticipation actually stokes passion! Waiting for lightning to strike desire simultaneously is unlikely.

Question 5: What are fun themes or new things we could explore on scheduled sex nights?

Answer: Schedule different adventures like tantric nights, toy play, mojito sipping while giving mutual massages, or watch steamy films while acting it out!

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Love Kelley & Joshua x